Having baby number three was so anti-climatic to me. There was nothing new about it. We already had one boy and one girl. I really struggled with looking forward to meeting her. With each baby I've worried about not being able to love them enough, but with this one I couldn't even get excited about that first meeting.
Like the other two, I remained sick through the entire pregnancy, swelled a lot, was always lightheaded, would faint on some occasions, got constant remarks about how much weight I had gained, slept terribly (if at all), and to make matters worse, my husband was going through some of his own health problems, making me feel completely unsupported and alone through it all.
On the Fourth of July, right before we found out that we were having a girl, I went for an hour long walk. Usually walking made me that much sicker, so that long a walk was rare for me - I could usually only stand 30 minutes. But that day was different. I prayed the entire time. I earnestly asked God to help me to bond with this baby. To get excited about it. I also asked Him to help me decide on a middle name if it was a girl (we already had a boy's name picked out). He spoke to me so gently, so subtly, but so clearly.
You see, my first three sibling line up is the same as my children. Boy, girl, girl. I have an older brother named GJ, I'm next and my sister, Melissa (Missi) is the second girl (#3 in the family). Growing up Missi and I were always especially close since we are only 19 months apart. Our relationship has just grown stronger the older we've gotten. I would say that Missi is my absolute best friend.
So that day on my walk God reminded me of the bond I have with the #3 child in my family. Memories of our childhood danced on the cinema screen of my mind and I cried. Yes. That's right. That #3 child is very very special to me. I knew then that this baby was a girl. Then God told me that her middle name should be a name that reminded me of my sister Melissa. Chris and I have chosen to use the C R initials with all of our children, so I immediately came up with Raylissa for Capri's middle name because it reminds me of Melissa.
From that moment on I started to bond with Capri. I imagined how Cassi and Capri would be close. I remembered the thoughts and feelings my sister Melissa had being the #3 in our family and I chuckled to myself thinking that Capri might have those same feelings.
I continued to gripe and groan about my pregnancy, even with the new excitement about meeting her, but my griping got even worse when Capri decided to arrive later than I hoped.
The day she came, I broke down in front of a friend and shared with her my selfish immaturity about the situation. She so very sympathetically prayed over me. She prayed that I would have the baby right after a party I was going to that night. She prayed the baby would come quickly and that there would be enough time to get an epidural (something I decided to plan on after the trauma of my first two). She also prayed over the baby--that Capri would touch lives and be a powerful woman of God.
Capri's labor started right after the party that night that I was prayed over. My labor was very quick, but there was still enough time for an epidural for the last hour of my labor. The whole experience was super easy and as pain free as it could possibly be. And then there was Capri. Right there in my arms. The doctor let me have her right away and nurse her for quite a while before they took her away to clean her. In those special moments I knew that we were already bonded.
My little Capri has been more attached to me than my other two children. She actually cuddles, hugs, and kisses me and she did so at an earlier age than the other two.
She just turned 1 on Saturday. God was gracious to me even in my time of doubt, selfishness, and immaturity. Capri is a very precious gift that I did not deserve and I am so thankful for the past twelve months that I have had with her!
Happy Birthday Capri Raylissa!